tl;dr 5.6/10
So, I saw the Super Mario Bros. Movie produced by Illumination Studios and have very mixed opinions on it. I don’t write a lot of movie reviews like this, maybe I will in the future, but obviously, the reason this is here comes from how much I have enjoyed the Super Mario franchise my entire life. And I’m in good company at this point. Back in 1993 when that charming, but albeit awful, live-action Super Mario Bros film was made, Mario was barely a household name. A lot of people knew about him, enough that the brothers had a TV show prior to that, but video games were still otherwise a niche hobby and wouldn’t blow up into the most profitable form of entertainment for still many years to come. Heck, you had to scour just to find a theatre playing that film. But now, Mario is bigger than Mickey Mouse is currently. So, it is about time that the series got another chance on the big screen. And this time, animated like it always should have been.
So what did they do with this chance? Not much, honestly. I’ll start with my opinions of it as a stand-alone movie and then talk about how I feel as someone who likes Mario so much that he used to run a local fan club for the series back in middle school where we would all get together to eat at our local pizzeria, talk about it, and sometimes play some games (bless Nintendo for their handhelds).
The two strongest points of the film are the graphics and the sounds. If there is one thing Illumination does exceedingly well, it is working within their visual engine. Every part of the movie looks amazing. It pops, it’s very saturated, and you can always tell exactly what is going on. I could be a bit nit-picky about a few design choices, but honestly, everything looks close enough to what it should look like. The models move well in the environment making the animation very smooth. I’m not typically a fan of 3D animation when most things still look better done in 2D, but it works very well for adapting a video game franchise that has been running around in 3D since 1996.
And the score is hands down the highlight of the entire movie. Any studio could have just slapped mixes of the game songs over the film, but Illumination carefully wove motifs from Koji Kondo’s famous compositions in original, yet recognizable, orchestrations that fit precisely what is happening on screen. Even if you weren’t familiar with the songs being used, the music matched the tone of the scenes so well that it was more than just additional Easter Eggs to find.
In contrast, the soundtrack is the worst part of the film. Being a modern movie, especially from Illumination, the movie is tastelessly littered with licensed music that has nothing to do with the franchise itself. I think I remember hearing No Sleep Til Brooklyn by the Beastie Boys, Holding Out for a Hero by Bonnie Tyler, and Take On Me by A-ha at different parts of the movie. All great songs on their own, but cheapen the moment when the score could have handled it better. It reminds me of the parts of the old 1986 animated Transformers movie that I hated when I finally went back and watched it. It’s a cheap attempt to rely on the audience’s attachment to the song itself to craft the emotion of the scene instead of allowing the scene itself to do it. Which is doubly sad when the music from the Mario series is so recognizable at this point that they could have done the same thing without even leaving the franchise.
Right in the middle of the good and the bad, we find the voice acting. I went into this thinking I would specifically dislike a few voices more than I did thanks to how awful the trailers were with clip choice. The one I thought I’d be disappointed in the most was actually Jack Black, whom I otherwise adore, because in half the trailer clips he lacked a growl and just sounded like Jack Black. Lo and behold, for the trailers they chose the only two spots in the film, aside from when he sings, where he just sounds like his normal self. About 95% of the time, Jack Black had a growl to him and sounded great. I don’t think he stole the show as many do, but it was well beyond serviceable. Speaking of serviceable, that’s about all I can say about both the Mario Bros. Chris Pratt and Charlie Day weren’t bad, but they weren’t great either and I believe weren’t allowed to do better (I’ll get more into that later). I feel like Charlie got shafted the most by the direction of the movie because the plot didn’t even really give him a chance to try and portray Luigi well. Anya Taylor-Joy did great as Peach. Far from what is expected from the games, but vocally she kind of reminded me of Princess Toadstool from the Super Mario Bros. Super Show. The best vocal performances have to go to Keegan-Michael Key as Toad and somehow even better Kevin Michael Richardson as Kamek. Kamek was genuinely flawless and deserves high praise. You would imagine the character had that voice before hearing him speak just looking at him. The worst performances go to the Kongs. Seth Rogen is to be expected. We all knew he was going to be awful the second the casting was announced and he was shown as Donkey Kong. He clearly has no respect for the character or this franchise and shouldn’t have been involved in the first place. The shocker to me came from the talented Fred Armisen as Cranky Kong. It’s not even that it didn’t fit how the character usually is, it was even odd for how he was written for this movie. It’s not a fault I’d jump to place on Fred without knowing better, so my gut is going to side with an issue with direction unless I find out something else. I imagine he would have been able to do a much better voice if he was instructed otherwise.
And if I’m only looking at this plot as a stand-alone movie, it was “meh”. I feel the plot suffers a lot from being a typical Illumination film. It’s a coming-of-age story where things just kind of happen for no supporting reason, characters just make decisions so the movie can keep going, it never gives the story time to breathe, and half the time it feels like most of the characters don’t even need to be there. It’s loaded with references to the franchise, but it feels to the point that they were trying to make up for how mediocre the plot is. I get that it is a kid’s movie, but it’s one with very little respect for kids. But that’s par for the course given that the only Illumination film I’ve seen with respect for both its plot and audience was the original Despicable Me. It’s not bad, it’s just not good either. It’s a movie with lots of good pieces, but someone decided to assemble them very poorly. And part of it might be due to them squeezing too much in there for a first foray. Also, enough of the humor and writing felt sincere, but it was bogged down by an unhealthy dose of “ironic humor”. A plague in this modern era of media. So, without going into full-on rant mode, my review of the movie as a stand-alone film is 56/100. I’ll probably watch it again sometime, but it won’t hold any special place in my heart.
Don’t read past here if you don’t want to be spoiled or care at all about a fan’s rants!
I’ll actually still start out with the positive things they did with regard to adapting this franchise. The world of Mario looks the way it should. Since the layout and design of the Mushroom Kingdom and its surrounding lands change in just about every iteration, nothing had to be exact to any given game and every location believably felt like it could be in a Super Mario game. Toad Town was a little bizarre and futuristic compared to most versions, but it felt like this is what a more densely populated capital city for the Mushroom Kingdom could look it and that’s perfectly fine. Princess Peach’s castle was gorgeous on top of that. Even the interiors of all of Bowser’s location looked like they could be final levels in the games. The only place that really felt off as far as design goes was Rainbow Road. It had some of the aesthetic, more so when the camera was tilted up toward the heavens, but it was overall a weird mesh of things. It was used as a “shortcut” and was buried in clouds at first, which is the same appearance the Warp Zone had when Mario and Luigi first entered the Mushroom Kingdom’s world. I’d guess that it was a mix of Star Road, which acted as a shortcut, and Rainbow Road for the film’s purposes.
Even most of the characters looked appropriate. All the enemies from the series were easily recognizable and there were a lot of them. I think the only models that bothered me were the actual humans. I thought Mario would bother me from the initial promotions, but his model was actually fine. Peach was a little bottom-heavy in this film, which is funny because in the sports games it’s easier to see that she is a bit more the other way around. But she really wasn’t that far off so it’s not even an issue. For some reason, the way they modeled Luigi’s chin (and one of their uncle’s as well) bothered me the entire time. His general head shape seemed right enough, but I think I’m so used to seeing Luigi’s soft, rounded chin that it felt very uncanny looking at this version. A few of the other humans back in Brooklyn were that way, too. It’s almost like they gave them chins from anime and nothing else.
Speaking of back in Brooklyn, I’m coming back around to why the brother’s voices bother me so much more now than even before. There was a part where the Super Mario Bros. Plumbing commercial aired on a local TV channel, which even those that haven’t seen the movie yet would be familiar with since it was clipped out as one of the teasers for the film. But the teaser cuts off just before Mario and Luigi come on the screen to end the commercial. And when they do… THEY SOUND LIKE THE WAY THEY ARE ACTUALLY SUPPOSED TO! Now, immediately after is one of Charles Martinet’s cameos as local man Giuseppe (looking like Jump Man and doing his famous Mario voice). Mario was wondering if the accent they put on for the commercial was too much and Giuseppe tells them that he loved it. The part with the accent went by so fast that it was hard for me to tell, but it didn’t sound like Martinet did that as well. It sounded more like Pratt and Day tried to do the actual voices of the Mario Bros and it was good. Then, for the entire movie, I wondered why they couldn’t just sound like that for the rest of the film. It had way more spirit than the voices they had to use and it comes out of Mario in bits and pieces at times anyway. I was upset at the announcement when Martinet was the brothers, but I honestly would have forgiven them if Pratt and Day had just done actual Mario and Luigi voices.
Back to the positive for a little bit. The power-ups and other functions of the world were handled pretty well. At times, a little too video-game-y for a film, but it was fine. Probably better to do that than try so witty explanation for things and fail. Pretty simple and consistent. You get powers from magic items, but if you get hit you lose it. Just like the games. I was confused at first by the Raccoon Suit because I forgot that they have since abandoned the Tanooki Suit and just use that for the leaf power-up instead of simple raccoon ears and tail. I was “turn into a statue at least once!”. I just didn’t like how weak Mario started out before getting his first power-up. He eventually becomes inhumanly athletic without them, but he was basically just a normal human before his first mushroom. Which I guess works for both a portal story and a coming-of-age story, which is what they were trying to tell, but it just isn’t Mario. Mario and Luigi were jumping well before they left the sewers.
In fact, this movie is about as lore accurate as the Super Mario Bros. Super Show was, in all entirely different ways. Here, Mario and Luigi are from Brooklyn, which you would be excused to believe for much of their history. Several games have come out over the years saying otherwise. For starters, Mario and Luigi were born in the same world as the Mushroom Kingdom. In Yoshi’s Island, Yoshi has to rescue the newborns after an accident with the stork and get them to their parents (who live in a mushroom house similar to the toads). And as of Super Mario Odyssey, we find out that the events of Donkey Kong took place in New Donk City (which may or may not be the same place as Big Ape City from Donkey Kong Land [Mario is confusing]), which is run by Mayor Pauline. Pauline also makes a brief appearance in the movie on TV as the mayor of New York. Cranky Kong (who is typically seen as the original Donkey Kong though that is confusing due to translation errors and retcons) doesn’t even recognize Mario, so none of that happened in this universe. If it did, it’d give more reason for the Kongs to be less trustworthy of them, and for DK (who would in that case be DK Jr. here) would have an actual reason to hate Mario other than “I’m just a big dumb jerk”.
But I’ve acknowledged that this is a meta-Mario movie. And that’s not really all that different than the games anyway. There is definitely Mario lore that does stick. Things that do carry over long term. But for the most part, the Mario characters are more like actors in a troupe that can be used to tell different stories. The thing that stays pretty consistent more than anything else is their personalities.
The things you can glean about the characters are that both brothers are inherently talented. Natural talents even. They can be dropped in a new environment and figure out how to make due there. They are incredibly athletic and intuitive. Mario is the bolder of the two and doesn’t hesitate to do what needs to be done, while Luigi, who is even more athletic than his brother, is a worry wort. Not to the point that it stops him from acting altogether; he’s just scared enough to hesitate longer than Mario. Peach is soft but capable. She is the type of person that would rather bake a cake, but he’ll act if necessary. Pretty much all of the Mario characters are functionally as athletic as each other to an extent. Peach has been on adventures, even clubbing Bowser away higher than a castle once with a parasol. And Bowser is wildly competent and stronger than everyone, a part the movie actually got right.
Aside from how cartoonishly obsessed Bowser was with Peach, they portrayed the Koopa Kingdom better than anything else. It was just really weird how obsessed he was. Like, yeah, Bowser has wanted to marry Peach for a long time. And sometimes it seems like he might have some affection toward her. For the most part, it just seems like he wants what she has marriage would give him legitimacy to it. But then again, Bowser is all over the place. Like that time he tried to convince his son that Peach was his mother. They delivered on how much of a threat Bowser is though.
The Toadstools are useless, not even because the Koopas are more competent, but simply because they are useless. At least in the games, it’s because they are turned into bricks, overwhelmed, or anything. Here they are just too “adorable” and don’t even attempt to do anything aside from Toad himself. I liked Toad though, he was done alright. Peach… honestly felt like she was too much. She wasn’t so much that common “girl boss” trope that is plaguing stories now, but a lot of the time it still felt like Mario didn’t even need to be there. Almost like the only reason he was doing the thing was because his name was on the movie. She couldn’t have handled everything at the end alone, but getting there made very little sense to have him around. The only justification I could come to was that since he was the only other human she has ever met she was enamored with having a boy around (which barely shows in the story, but it’s the only stretch I can make).
Which is the biggest problem. I don’t care how people feel about saving the Princess stories these days (especially since it still kind of happened by the end anyway), but that’s what the Mario story is supposed to be. It should have been Mario and Luigi on an adventure together to save the Princess. You could have still let her be badass. Have her attempt to escape and come really close, but Bowser is just so much of a problem that she fails to him personally. Heck, you could have even had the main Toad with her in captivity to have someone to play off of. But instead, Luigi gets effectively sidelined until the climax of the story. He has plenty of screen time, but the extent of Luigi’s story is: goes on a job with Mario, falls into a strange world, gets captured, sits in a cage for a few days, and finally gets to do anything just as the story ends. He was a one-note character: the scaredy-cat.
And Mario was just the movie’s punching bag. I get slapstick humor and Mario is actually a good character for it given his progression since games went 3D. Mario has the best reactions to being flattened or his butt catching on fire. But since it was a coming-of-age story, Mario didn’t really act like Mario half the time until the end either. He was also almost, but not quite, a one-note character where his whole personality was “never gives up”. It’s a great personification for platforming games in general, in which Super Mario is the staple franchise. And there were some times that it actually worked in favor of characterization. Almost any time it played properly into the fish-out-of-water nature of his situation, like first traversing Toad Town and getting lost. But a lot of times it was just for cheap laughs. I try to look at the slapstick from the perspective of a 5-year-old, but I don’t even know how much it is earned then. It definitely wasn’t written for anyone older than that.
The climax (from the point of Bowser’s wedding to the big fight) was great though. The music, the platforming, the action, and everything. If I do rewatch the movie, it will be mostly for that sequence, especially when Mario and Luigi go Superstar. Hopefully, the follow-ups will be better. If I were them, I’d go to Dinosaur Island next, which the post-credits scene seems to leave open anyway. I’d also kick Seth Rogen out of the movie. If I were to give this a separate rating about how I feel about this as an adaptation and not just a stand-alone movie, probably more of a 42/100. Still better than the ’93 film.
Holy Crap, It's The Metal 